Billy at MCTC
Dec. 14, 2008 was the beginning of the end of Billy. DOC inmate #XXXXXX, sinner, cheat, drug addict, selfish, tyrant. On Sept. 2, 2008 I’d been sentenced back to prison again. This time for six years, which I truly believed I could manipulate into 3 years.
Something happened though. Something I can’t explain. I can’t share completely the miraculous change of Billy. In the county detention center I had a plan….in and out! Complete their programs, get some certificates, stay out of trouble. Be that ideal inmate deserving of parole or favorable grace. No one would know that in my heart getting back to drugging and pleasuring myself was all that Billy truly loved. I could fool them all! I’ve been here before. I knew the game, knew what I needed to do, say, and appear to be.
On September 22, 2008 I attended my first church service since I was released from my last prison term in Oct. 2005. There was Ms Viola! A true friend in Chriat. A friend from my past. A Christian soldier dedicated to furthering the knowledge of God’s word. Never becoming weakened or discouraged by ignorance, stubbornness, nor the plain old self-righteous attitudes common among criminal minds like mine. With her were new faces of The Community of St. Dysmas. Pastor Bill, Ms Bonnie, Mr. John and Ms Glenda. An odd sort, made up from different villages, backgrounds, histories, with one common passion….sharing the love and the good news of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
From Sept. ’08, till Dec. 14, 2008 I listened and learned truly,….I was lost, alone, guilty, hopeless, an ….condemned. There was nothing Billy could do that was going to make me free. Society had had enough! Friends and family too were fed up with Billy’s lies and deviousness. I came to the realization that this ain’t Billy’s world. God created this world and all things in it……including me! (Billy) Them there parenthesis make me feel special, that’s the humanness in me, I think. Yes my selfish abilities still maintain the majority rule over my selfish abilities, but as my personal battle wages on, Jesus is winning the war.
I am a Lutheran Christian because my mom made me one. Well in the Dept. of Corrections at the MCTC facility in Hagerstown, Maryland, Lutherans is a minority denomination. So small we are only rated z tiny classroom in which to have our worship services. For real, this is what attracted me most to The Community of St. Dysmas Lutheran Church. I honestly felt I was part of a family. In Sept. ’08 our church had eleven people. Eleven! And four was outside volunteers bringing Jesus Christ with ‘em!
You know Jesus only got a stable to begin his new life. Looking back,
my new life began in as small room too.
Neither Jesus nor Billy was received as kings into the world. I don’t know how Jesus felt but you best
believe Billy always felt slighted about that facxt. All my life you see was devoted to
Billy! I was…exactly what Jesus was
not. At the beginning of this truth do
you remember Billy declaring, “I could fool them all?” Well I got an attitude adjustment called a
spiritual awakening one night. Well
really it came over the course of three weeks because I doubted God and thought
honestly I could improve upon his plan.
Oh yeah!.
One night God came to me in a dream.
God said, “Billy you will help wayward children, re-drecting
their lives, I will help you to establish a program to save these young lives” Wow!
I woke up excited. Finally my
life would have a purpose. For good
too! Over the next several nights God
or Jesus, sometimes both, visited me describing the program’s ins and
outs. Then one afternoon I began
fantasizing, wow! I’ll be rich! Famous!
A big house! Money! Cars!
Planes! Notoriety! Everyone will love Billy! That night I had no dreams. God never came. Neither did Jesus. For days my nights was dreamless. Frustrated, confused and desperate I got down
on my knees and prayed to God through Jesus Christ, “Father, where are you? I need you!
There’s so much we need to discuss about the program>”
That night God came back into my dreams.
God woke me up like he was angry with me, God told me, “Billy these
dreams were never about you.
These dreams are for the children.”
God didn’t even say good night.
He just left me there wide awake at 1am.
I felt like a real ass! A
jerk! Selfish old Billy! Now what do I do? God’s really disappointed in me I guess. Jesus whispered to me, “Ask my Father for
forgiveness. Tell him you now understand
and ask him for his blessings. Trust
me.”
Today, Jan. 2, 2011 the lives of the St. Dysmas Lutheran Church
community bring the life into Billy’s life.
Jesus brought life into Billy’s life.
Today I can see wrongness for all it is.
I’ve grown to despise evel. (The
opposite of live.) Evil brings pain,
misery, defeat, death! Why it did not
kill Billy, I do not know. Some say
luck. I am convinced though (that) luck
had nothing to do with my salvation.
The hand of Jesus took hold of my life.
Day after day I relinquish more and more control of selfish Billy over
to the child of God Billy who faithfully serves his Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ. Taking my place as a disciple,
friend, follower and faithful servant anxious to serve God’s will.
In the little room we call “God’s Place” on Monday nights I worship,
praise, sing, fellowship and share God’s love and peace with my church family,
now consisting of TWENTY-FIVE
MEMBERS! On June 2008 I affirmed
my faith in the body of Christ, confessing my desire to live out this faith
along with the members of this congregation.
On 6/8/09 I was welcomed as a child of God as one who serves among
us. Sharing the grace that we receive
here and extend in mission to all the world.
For so long I’d been hated. I
even hated myself. Today, I feel loved,
wanted, forgiven, found, full of hope, in wonderful company, with a purpose for
my life, And, for the first time in my
life since I was fourteen years old I am Free! Free of the guilt and shame of my sins. The Community of St. Dysmas has taught me
through living example how to share God’s love.
How to deny one’s self and love others as I would love myself. We are not here to be successful, we are
here to be faithful. Without Jesus
Christ I am nothing. With a church I am
something. Jesus gives life to
Billy. The Community of St. Dysmas gives
life to Billy. Billy will never be
alone. For today, tomorrow and for all
eternity I walk with Jesus Christ and God’s children. No longer am I ashamed to go to God, I’ve
learned his ways is always best. Thanks
to my involvement and the teachings offered by the St. Dysmas community church.
